Mailtime with Ranmaru Mori
by Sun Ashamaru
Summary: Inspired by Sun Quan Answers Letters, Cao Cao answers letters, Sima Yi answers letters and all the other *Insert Character* answers letters. Let's have a look at what Nobunaga Oda's loyal page Ranmaru Mori's reactions are to his mail.
1. Mail Box Round 1

_**(Author's Note: Hey guys, if you'd like to send Rannie a letter feel free to review or PM, the letter will be pasted onto the fic itself but not who thought up the idea. I basically decided to do this for s**ts and giggles and I saw the others and thought "Hey I might give this a try." It can be from Samurai Warriors Characters to Fangirls and Fanboys. Other than that have fun reading! Oh and attachments are allowed, cuz I'd like to see Ranmaru's reaction to little trinkets taped to his mail. Please nothing too sexual but fluff fluff is okay.)**_

_Dear Ranmaru_

_I have suspicions that you have been hitting on my husband. I'm sorry but if you touch my man I shall deal with you personally._

_Sincerely Nohime_

Dear Lady Nohime

No no NO! I am not hitting on your husband, I am his loyal page Nothing More!

Sincerely Ranmaru

_O'Ran_

_Is there anything I could do for you, you are always doing things for me, I'd like to repay the favour._

_Sincerely Your Lord_

Dear Lord Nobunaga

Yes, there is, Lady Noh is onto us, she thinks I'm trying to take you away from her, Yes I get it I'm in love with you but...Oh wait DISREGARD THAT!

Sincerely Ranmaru

_Dear Ranmaru_

_Have you seen Zhou Tai I really miss him._

_Sincerely Sun Quan_

Dear Lord Sun Quan

I'd love to answer that as I'm a bit worried about Lord Zhou Tai, but I haven't seen him he hasn't paid a visit to my quarters at all, If you would like I can request my lord Nobunaga to send out a search unit for him if it'll put your heart at ease.

Sincerely Ranmaru

_O'Ran_

_Why do you think my wife is onto us? If that's the case I shall speak to her, it is my choice that you're near me not the other way around! Please come to my bedroom for some supper and sake._

_Sincerely Your Lord_

Dear Lord Nobunaga

Why do I think Lady Noh is onto us, SHE THREATENED ME THAT SHE'LL DEAL WITH ME PERSONALLY IF I TOUCHED YOU! Before you ask whether or not I'm scared, Yes I'm petrified, I'm so sorry for being rude.

Sincerely Ranmaru

_Dear Ranmaru_

_It's okay if Nohime won't let you near Nobunaga, there's always me._

_From your favourite Fangirl Ashamaru_

Dear Ashamaru

May I ask why would I choose favourites out of my fangirls? I love all my fangirls from the bottom of my heart, even if they're crazy and please don't suggest such things, my heart belongs to Lord Nobunaga and Lord Nobunaga only, if that doesn't work out, I'll ask Zhou Tai if he'd mind sharing Lord Sun Quan.

Sincerely Ranmaru


	2. Mail Box Round 2 (Finally got it done)

AAAAH MY GOSH MY FIRST FOLLOW ON HERE! I give a shout out to ShimoRyu for being the first Follower of Mailtime with Ranmaru Mori.

Now SHALL WE?

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ranmaru<em>

_Why were you insisting on putting on a disguise, I told you far too many times that you failed disguises before remember the time you tried to pass for a monk?_

_Sincerely Kanetsugu Naoe_

Dear Kanetsugu

Allow me to repeat myself that I DON'T GET how they caught me that time, they said 'There are no girls in the priesthood' and I'M A MAN Yes I know I know I have feminine beauty but I'm a man.

Sincerely Ranmaru

_Dear Ranmaru,_

_Did you know there's a famous song about you and your relationship with my brother Nobunaga? It's called 1582 by Kazuya Kamenashi_

_Signed, Oichi_

Dear Lady Oichi

No, I didn't know, I'm surprised my relationship with Lord Nobunaga was written in a song, a famous song at that. Alright if you wish to know, yes I am in love with your brother, PLEASE DON'T TELL LADY NOH

Sincerely Ranmaru

_Dear Ranmaru_

_About what you said to our Fangirl Ashamaru. I'd like to ask, are you in love with me?_

_Sincerely Sun Quan_

Dear Lord Sun Quan

I like you as a friend, I just said that to fend that fangirl off, I don't choose favourites in fans and I'm sure if you were in my position you would've done the same.

Sincerely Ranmaru

_O'Ran_

_Thank you for the supper, it's perfect as always. I have had a chat with my wife, she has said something about you being treated as if you're my wife, I told her that she's imagining things. We can still do things together._

_Sincerely Your Lord_

Dear Lord Nobunaga

You're Very Welcome, and thank you for talking to her and straightening things out with her. I think we should keep it down when we have our long meaningful chats, just to make really look like she's imagining things.

Sincerely Ranmaru

_Dear Ranmaru_

_If Lord Nobunaga is not an option, and you don't want to date a fangirl due to jealousy issues, I won't mind sharing my lord_

_Sincerely Zhou Tai_

Dear Lord Zhou Tai

Sorry for being rude but WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!? YOUR LORD IS WORRIED SICK! Other than that it's a pleasure to hear from you again. I have mention to your lord that I said it to fend that crazy fangirl off. You would've said you'd ask me to share Lord Nobunaga when a fangirl asked you to marry her if your relationship with Lord Sun Quan doesn't work out.

Sincerely Ranmaru

_Dear Ran_

_Let's play "Hide and seek" with the crates one day; it's been ages since we've seen each other. I understand why you don't bring your hairpin to battle, it being at home motivates you to try to return home alive. Any Way, it'd be great to hear from you again!_

_Gracia_

Dear Gracia

I'd love to join you in that crazy yet fun sounding game but I have tasks to complete and letters to answer, But don't get me wrong, it's great to her from you again. I would like to know how is your father doing knowing that he's no longer with the Oda.

Sincerely Ranmaru

_Attachment received: A painting of Ranmaru wearing a purple kimono designed for females looking seductive. (It won't let me give the full link to picture, PM me if you wish to see the picture Kunoichi Sent)_

_Dear Ranmaru_

_Heeheehee I found this in Nobunaga's room, oh don't worry a copy is being sent to Noh. GAHAHAHAHA. I never knew you'd be that seductive towards your lord. Your lord thinks of you alot doesn't he? You naughty boy! Heeheehee._

_Sincerely Kunoichi_

Dear Kunoichi

You...BITCH! I SWEAR IF I SEE YOU YOUR DEAD, MY LORD WENT THROUGH SOME MUCH STRESS TO STRAIGHTEN THINGS OUT WITH LADY NOH! You know what I'm going to look for something to get you back for this.

Sincerely Ranmaru

* * *

><p>I decided to make Kunoichi a cheeky little S**t. Sorry Kunoichi fans if you get offended<p> 


	3. Mail Box Round 3

I finally got some ideas for this

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ranmaru <em>

_You're a girl right? Want to get a drink? _

_Signed, Magoichi_

Dear Magoichi

No I am not a girl, and no I will not 'get a drink' from the likes of you! Womaniser!

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Attachment received: The second copy of that same picture of Ranmaru in the kimono_

_Dear Ranmaru_

_I have seen your reply to Kunoichi's letter and stopped the messenger who was sent to give that photo of you to Nohime. I have also lectured her to stay out of your business. If I have to do more to stop you from killing Kunoichi. Please tell me!_

_Sincerely, Yukimura_

Dear Yukimura

I'd like to say thank you for doing that, I was really angry with her for going into my lord's bedroom. She is not authorised to enter my lord's bedroom. Make sure you tell her that and I will keep my blade away from her.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Attachment Received: Ranmaru's diary that contains his dreams and everything he dislikes about himself._

_Dear Ranmaru_

_Son, I have bought this book for you to record happy things. The only happy thing I find is your dream, the rest is just depressing. It's breaking my heart to think my own son despises himself greatly. I'm right now questioning myself on whether or not I'm doing a good job as your father._

_Sincerely, Your father (Yoshinari)_

Dear Father

May I ask how did you find that? You're a great father and I love you with all my heart. That time I was at that depressing stage and the only way to rid myself of those terrible thoughts of myself is writing in them in that book. It actually helped me through that depressing stage and I'm now well and truly free from that. Thanks for giving that book back and your concerns for me. This is why you're a great father.

Sincerely, your son

_Dear Ranmaru_

_Oh...I understand now, I have thought about it and yes I would have done the same thing if I was in your position. My apologies for the misunderstanding._

_Sincerely, Sun Quan_

Attachment sent: The copy of the Ranmaru in a kimono photo Yukimura sent to Ranmaru

Dear Lord Sun Quan

I'm glad we cleared that up. I also have a favour to ask. I heard you have skilled officers with an obsession with fire, yes? If that's the case, give that picture to one of them and tell them to burn it...unless you want to keep it, either one is fine, as they both keep it away from the Oda.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Dear Ranmaru_

_I heard that you're a girl, right? What to go on a date together?_

_Sincerely, Guo Jia_

Dear Guo Jia

No I am not a girl, and no I will not 'go on a date' with the likes of you! Womaniser!

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_O'Ran_

_Is there anything you're not good at? My breakfast was cooked to perfection yet again._

_Sincerely, Your Lord_

Dear Lord Nobunaga

Um... Yes I have flaws, I'm not good at some things; I don't suit long pants.

Sincerely, Ranmaru


	4. Mail Box Round 4

_Dear Ranmaru,_

_You know Ranmaru you should consider dressing in a tuxedo_

_From Anonymous_

Dear Anonymous

I did say to my lord that I don't suit long pants. Therefore no.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Hey Ran! _

_I think if you need to prove your masculinity you should try wearing a suit and tie_

_From 'Cure Honey'_

Dear 'Cure Honey'

NO!

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Attachment received: Corpse Party Bloodcovered: Repeated Fear and a PSP (Felt like having a gag in this story, and I love Corpse Party, yes I'm messed up in a way)_

_Dear Ranmaru_

_I found this and played it. I just realised just how messed up it is. Anyway...do you have any of that ass medicine by any chance you know the smeary stuff?_

_Sincerely, Mitsuhide (I'm so sorry for the ultimate out of characterness...and well...good luck trying to get THAT out of your head X_X)_

Dear Lord Mitsuhide

I guess I'll play it

_*Three days later, you hear Ranmaru crying due to the death of Seiko Shinohara and one more day later Ranmaru reads the rest of the letter*_

Lord Mitsuhide... Have you turned into Seiko? I don't have any of that 'ass medicine' Do you have any shame at all?

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Dear Ranmaru_

_You don't mind if I...kept that picture right?_

_Sincerely, Sun Quan (YES I SHIP QUANRAN SHUT UP!)_

Dear Lord Sun Quan

No I do not mind at all, just please keep it away from the Oda

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_O'Ran_

_I heard voices of a teenage school girl coming from your room? Are you...now into women? Or is it that strange item Mitsuhide sent you?_

_Sincerely Your Lord_

Dear Lord Nobunaga

Yes it is in fact that strange item Mitsuhide sent to me. I'm into both men and women. I forgive you for the misunderstanding. Anyway would you like me to send you that item so that you know what I'm talking about?

Sincerely, Ranmaru


	5. Mail Box Round 5

(I got it done about time

Also to make up for the lack of letters I placed two skit like things)

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ranmaru,<em>

_I apologize for my teammate Cure Honey's letter, what I and my teammates are trying to do is help people understand you are male._

_Sincerely, Cure Fortune/ Iona Hishikawa and the Happiness Charge Precure Girls_

Dear 'Precure Girls'

I appreciate the help but I'm capable of doing so myself.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Dear Ran-chan,_

_Did you happen to find Lady Hayakawa's lost hair ribbons and spare dress? She's been looking for them ever since you came by to visit. Saburo has a sneaking suspicion that you may have 'borrowed' them for personal use but don't mind him, he's just an NPC and Lady Aya needs to slap some sense into him._

_From,_

_Ryujin Mei_

_*attached was another smaller note which only said: I already know. They suit you very well. (signed by Nobunaga)*_

*Ranmaru doesn't read the attached letter yet*

Dear Ryujin Mei

That's a lovely name and I don't recall seeing any hair ribbons and a dress anywhere, but if I see anything, I will return them to you...

*Ranmaru reads the note, he searches his closet and finds the items this Ryujin Mei was after, you then hear this girly scream coming from his room and some quick packing sounds and then the sound of scrunching paper. Ranmaru is writing a new letter*

Dear Ryujin Mei

That's a lovely name and I have found these stashed in my wardrobe and I have no knowledge as to how they got there, Here they're in that box, just please take it, thank goodness they've been washed!

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Dear Ranmaru_

_I read in the Koei Wiki that you are afraid of frogs. Is this true?_

_It's pretty cute to be afraid of something, by the way. :3 _

_Signed, your fangirl_

*Ranmaru while reading this says "Oh it's not Ashamaru... frogs? I don't know" "he then heard Ashamaru's voice saying "You won't know until you've seen one" Ranmaru turns around to see Ashamaru, but looks at her with horror as soon as he sees a plastic box like thing with a frog inside it, the frog croaks and Ranmaru begins to pale screaming "GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!" "I found him all alone, he was about to get squashed by a carriage...You know what I'm taking him back into my room, you clearly look like I was about to kill you" Ashamaru walks out with the frog, Ranmaru places a hand on his chest saying "Thank god!" Ranmaru then turns to the table the starts writing his reply*

Dear Fangirl of mine

Yes I am deathly afraid of frogs, they terrify me to the very core. I don't understand why you think it's cute to be afraid of something.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

*Ranmaru sends those letters off and that night he collapses onto his bed and begins reading a book. He then finishes the book and closes it. He then looks out the window to find yet another frog sitting on his desk, Ranmaru pales instantly and screams "SOMEONE GET THAT THING OUT OF MY ROOM!" a servant and Nobunaga come in the servant looks at the frog saying "It's just a frog!" "I do not want my page being in the same room as something he is deathly afraid of, get rid of it NOW" Nobunaga screams. The servant removes the frog while Nobunaga comforts Ranmaru.*


	6. Mail Box Round 6

**_I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A WHILE HOLY FRICK_**

**_RANMARU'S STILL ANSWERING LETTERS DON'T YOU WORRY! And to that Anonymous person, If it's the Mailtime with Zhou Yu where Zhou Tai dresses as a meatbun and does crazy stuff, I have in fact read it and it's funny, if it isn't I'll scout around to see what it is you're talking about. Thank you for the compliment by the way~!_**

**_Now TIME TO SEE RAN'S REACTIONS TO THIS PILE OF MAIL~!_**

_Dear Ranmaru,_

_I don't blame you for being slightly upset with people mistaking you for a girl. I get that all the time but I guess I kinda deserve it... I crossdress because my brother is ill and I have to take over his spot for the time being as the heir of Grandpa's Dojo. _

_Itsuki Myoudin/Cure Sunshine_

Dear Itsuki Myoudin

Oh how I'm glad I'm not the only one! No! You never deserve people mistaking you for a girl if you're doing something for your dear brother! I would've done the same if it was for my brother.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Dear Ran-Chan,_

_Ara! Thank you! I love my name but it isn't as beautiful as yours. By the way, I happened to see you and and Gracia in an umm...suggestive situation. Gracia was biting your leg and you seemed to not care .*cough* well...it's Mitsuhide you might want to be careful around si- *paper has a torn edge like someone ripped it quickly*_

_*another message was given in the same pile, this time from Mitsuhide*_

_RANMARU!YOU!YOU!MY DAUGHTER!STAY RIGHT THERE! _

_*this was carved into a picture of Ranmaru with a sharp knife *_

_*another letter sent by messenger pigeon*_

_Dear Ran,_

_I like you! We're friends! Oh! Don't let my father see this! He seems to get angry when boys go near me lately!_

_Love,_

_Gracia_

Dear Ryujin Mei

You're very welcome and thank you, about that moment of Gracia biting me... I actually did care, her teeth are fairly sharp and I still have a bite mark where she bit me and not to mention it hurt...alot.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

*Ranmaru looks through his mail pile to find a calm letter from Mitsuhide so he disregards the cutting picture and follows up on Mitsuhide's request and sneaks to Gracia's room and puts the hairpin on her desk.*

Dear Gracia

I don't think Lord Mitsuhide would get angry when you go near a boy he trusts. I'm sorry for returning the flower hairpin to you, Lord Mitsuhide requested that I return it to you and explained why I should, if you would like to give me a memento, please make sure it has no sentimental value to begin with.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Ranmaru,_

_Gracia informed me about what occurred on the beach, including how she bit your inner thigh, and your subsequent interactions. Since I know I can trust you, I permit you to continue courting her. But be aware that if you harm her in any manner I will not hesitate to castrate you. _

_Sincerely,_

_Mitsuhide_

_P.S: Please return the hairclip she gave you. That is one of the few mementoes I have left of my dear wife, which I gave to Gracia, and I do not wish for it to get lost on the battlefield._

Dear Lord Mitsuhide

I thank you for permitting me to continue talking to Gracia, and I won't let a single fly touch her, I won't harm her either, but I thank you for letting me know what would happen if such an event ever occurred.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

P.S: I knew you would be worried about Gracia giving me that hairpin and I have returned it to her.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_Ranmaru,_

_Have you ever thought that if you got a haircut, wore longer shorts, and tried to speak in a deeper voice, less people would think you were a girl?_

_With Regards,_

_Common Sense_

(HOLY COW A LETTER FROM COMMON SENSE! I'M SO GOING TO WRITE A RESPONSE TO THAT! THAT IS JUST *Falls off the chair laughing*)

Dear Common Sense

If I could I would, but if I did, Lord Nobunaga wouldn't be happy about it, he enjoys the feminine beauty I possess for some strange reason.

Sincerely, Ranmaru

_O'Ran_

_I have snuck into your room and played that strange item Mitsuhide sent to you and I now understand that it is indeed that strange item, the main boy seems to fit your description very well, more than willing to put on a strong front for the sake of those you care about..._

_I thank you for your forgiveness for misunderstanding._

_Sincerely Your lord._

Dear Lord Nobunaga

I'm glad you found a way to fix the misunderstanding, and you think I'm like Satoshi? I-Uh-Wow...um...thank you...

Sincerely, Ranmaru


End file.
